Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The emotional rollercoaster

Only 8 more sleeps and then we're off. As we draw closer to departure day I get a lot of people asking me if I'm excited. And well yes I am, but at the same time I'm terrified. I have been asked a lot of the thing I'm most frightened of and I've really been trying to figure this one out. To be honest, I don't really know. I guess it's the whole thing. There are lots of sailor folk who just brush it off and tell me I'll be fine which I'm sure I will be but right now I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a big black hole and I'm about to jump in. Is it weird to think this is also kind of exciting?!

But as I'm perched on the edge of this leap into the unknown I'm also worried that I'll let people down. Of course the first in line relying on me is Geoff and I want to be able to do my job properly and well. But I've also had an amazing amount of support from my family and friends and I don't want to somehow not do well and let them down since they all mean so much to me. Is this putting more undue pressure on myself? Maybe, or maybe it will help me rise up to the task ahead. So I suppose in this reasoning I have come to my greatest fear. Disappointing those people close to me. Oooh, this is all a bit too deep for a Wednesday afternoon isn't it?! Geoff has assured me he has great faith in the fact that I will be fine, as have all my family and friends but the old self doubt is the devil in us all. I suppose that this journey will partly be for me, seeing those demons and putting them to rest.

I am expecting to get a bit sea sick (the most popular question by far!), and so Digby will no doubt be there with the camera as I expel some demons although I've never had a personal objection to breakfast or food in general..... I've decided to take the advice of our onshore medical support Dr. Tommo and try out some other sea sickness tablets for the first few days and then see how I go. Or I could just take a pill of man up and see how that goes. It could work.

These last few weeks have seen me go from excited anticipation to utter terror in the space of five minutes and then back up again. Bless my aunty and uncle as they have taken phone calls from me trying to figure out why I was feeling the constant butterfly feeling in my stomach and if it is normal to have these emotional waves as one is about to embark on such an exciting adventure. I had a guardian angel give me a phone call to tell me that I was perfectly normal to be feeling the way I was and they helped me realise that I wasn't growing two heads which was the way I was feeling. You know who you are, thank you!

And so yes, I am getting excited. And yes, I am still scared but that's ok. I can deal with that and I suppose it's all about how you tackle it. Things do feel a bit more real down here, stowing things away, cleaning up ID and just being on her and thinking ok, here is the next chapter in my life and it's going to be a good one. Not one I'm about to forget anytime soon that's for sure. Here we go on that rollercoaster again :)


  1. Suze, there is no way you are going to disappoint anybody. If I was sailing the Atlantic I would want you with me. Your friends and family are with you every step, every wave, every maltezer of the way. Go girl! xx

  2. Gosh I get that nervous catching a plane so the nerves are normal. At least you don't have to worry about running out of chocholate from the sound of things.

  3. Suze, there would be something wrong with you if you DIDN'T feel terrified and excited in every other moment. It's a good sign, use it to your advantage and just feel everything to the fullest. Don't push anything down or ignore any emotion, better out than in I say! I love your blog and can't wait to keep reading.

  4. 'Butterflies' are part of the process of finely tuning your body for a big event - it's normal - you should only start worrying when you don't get them!

  5. Suz, I can honestly say that, of all the people I know, it's you who I think has the best chance of pulling off an awesome adventure like this! Hope the nerves settle down before too long. Yvette x


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